More This and That

DH was listening to the idiot Octomom 911 tape when listening to Howard Stern last week. I haven’t heard it yet, but DH said that is was maddening to listen to because she was completely off her rocker. Screeching and wailing, freaking out, but the worst was when the idiot said that she was going to kill herself… in front of the other children! The 911 operator had enough presence of mind to tell her not to say that in front of her kids. What a freaking nutcase. Those poor children!

 

~~

Why do people ignore their dogs? Barkbarkbark in this neighborhood for hours on end, all over the place. WTF? And I don’t get mad at the dogs—not their fault—but their stupid owners’ fault. Stupid people.

~~

I hiked for nearly an hour in Pima Canyon on Thursday morning, about elevenish. I was astonished that so many people were there. More importantly, I don’t believe that the South Mountain trails are really too kid-friendly. Lots of jagged rocks poking through the surface after all the rains this winter, a constant incline, no shade, etc etc. Are parents really so stupid these days?

 

No, wait, don’t answer that.

~~

I got my hockey pants in the mail today. I have to return them. They just won’t work; my ass is just too fat and they’re made for men who put the waistband of their pants below their beer (or Warcraft) bellies. Not surprised.

 

Today, I went to the hockey shop (Behind the Mask) near my house and a really nice guy helped me size a helmet and adjusted it for me, and even gave me the proper size of face cage. I also bought gloves. I’m about ready to go.

 

While we were chatting and he was adjusting my helmet, I asked him if the new facility in Queen Creek has been good for them. He said yes, actually, it has. There’s been more movement, more demand, more interest in this area. I later told him that for me it was a wash – I’m dead between the two facilities (see previous discussions of) and CSC has the baby leagues I need for now.

 

I said that it should be looking up – I see more and more kids and adults blading around, more than I’ve seen for years. Sports associated with inline skates invariably follow.

 

My clinic starts Tuesday. I’m excited but apprehensive. Am I ready? No. Am I anywhere near the shape I need to be in for this? Hell no. Doing it anyway.

~~

Earlier this month, The Young Victoria premiered in London. In this movie, the real life Queen Victoria’s great-great-great-great granddaughter (hmmm wait *mutters* Victoria, Edward, (g) George, (g-g) George, (gg-g) Elizabeth, (ggg-g)Andrew, (gggg-g) Beatrice… OK, good), Princess Beatrice–colloquially “of York”, properly “of Great Britain and Northern Ireland”–had a cameo as a lady in waiting. Princess Beatrice has the bug eyes of the Hanoverians and actually very strongly resembles a portrait of Queen Victoria done when she was in her twenties. Anyway, there was good reason for this royal kid to be there.

 

Here are Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie flanking their mother at the premiere:

 

 

 

(Photo: Entertainment Press/Splash News)

 

These girls are the granddaughters of the Queen of the United Kingdom, nieces to the recently-awarded Best Dressed Man (Prince Charles), and have access to the finest stylists and clothes in the world.

 

So WHY IN THE HELL ARE THEY DRESSED LIKE CRAP???

 

This isn’t the first time, and for criminy sakes you would think they’d learn. These young ladies are twenty and eighteen, supposedly somewhat sophisticated, and old enough to know that you don’t wear crappy off the rack items (or things that look like them) that fit poorly and/or make you look decades older than you are. Eugenie’s too young to wear something that makes her tits look like they’re already migrating south like a sixty year old, and Beatrice looks ghastly in that shapeless piece of crap. Their mother has learned to dress well, and their Wales and Phillips cousins dress beautifully. So why the horrible choices? Damn.

 

~~

 

 Check out my recent entries at Meant to Be, my sister blog. Things are moving along.

Shift of Gears

At one point in my elation yesterday, I realized that when one blogs about an adoption journey, one should not have in the title “fail” or “failboat.” So, after much consideration, I decided that further discussions on this topic will be held in this venue. When I write there, I’ll notate it here, and vice versa.  Here’s where I’ll blather about the other topics of lesser gravity than this all-important journey.

Go to Meant to Be to see what happened yesterday.

~~

President Obama  is in town today. Big whoop. He’s going to Dobson High School–a stupid place for such a high profile visitor, since its fields are right off of a major thoroughfare. Someone didn’t think their cunning plan all the way through.

Instead of traipsing around here, why isn’t he in Washington, doing his job? What good does an expensive visit to the armpit of the valley really do?

GBTW, sir.

~~

The reservations I’d had in accepting my SIL’s offer for the Ireland trip are starting to rise to the top of the simmering cauldron. She’s given a directive that everyone shall only bring one carry-on, and when her mother said she was checking her bags in, SIL said something to the effect of  ‘then you’ll have to find your own way to the hotel’ because she isn’t going to wait for anyone who checks bags.

I shook my head when this exchange reached my ears. I’m usually the last one to defend my MIL (she drives me insane), but this is ridiculous and rude. SIL is determined to make everyone miserable before any of us steps on the plane.

I’ll bring it up at the dinner this weekend, in front of everyone. That way I have witnesses and she’ll have to control herself. Someone has to.

Why make it miserable? It’s going to be a make-or-break trip as it is.

~~

Back to work. More later.

Getting Ready to Jump Into the Deep End

For the past several weeks, I’ve been loath to bug DH about finishing up the adoption paperwork. He’s now a head honcho and trying to unravel the mess of things to do in his new job. Now that things have settled down, we sat down and went through all the paperwork and got all the 178650 pages that needed to be signed. Now all I have to do is copy things and send the packet off.

I left a message with the social worker attached to the adoption agency we’re working with, telling her that I had a question of definition on one thing, and that on Tuesday I’d be dropping the packet in the mail. When I hung up, I couldn’t help but smile.

At dinner, I couldn’t withhold my glee. Now and again I’d grin and quickly clap my hands in suppressed excitement. Finally, things have settled down enough to actually DO IT.  Elated and hopeful, I’m scrutinizing the paperwork to make sure we didn’t miss anything. I’ll make copies tomorrow and YEAH BABY! WE’RE ON OUR WAY!!

YEEHAAA!

*SPLOOSH!*

~~

The hot topic of these two weeks has been that trainwreck who has 14 kids via IVF so that she’d “have someone to love me.” On welfare and food stamps, dependent on her parents, she’s had plastic surgery and is banking on the media frenzy to finance her piss poor choices in life.  And you know what she’s going to do if (when?) she gets money? More plastic surgery and more IVF, and therefore the increase in both her Angelina Complex and more litters of children. She’s apparently quite proficient at doctor shopping. She also appears to be adept at fraud.

She doesn’t care for the six she already had, the grandfather has to go back “to the Iraq” (ha) to finance the care, and the grandmother is tapped emotionally and physically.

What pisses people off from all walks of life the most is the fact that the taxpayers are paying for this completely screwed up chick and her children.

I’m elated that the gravy train hasn’t reached her! She needs serious mental help (a chronic liar with security and other issues), and her children need to be placed with families–yes, plural–who can actually care for them.

I really don’t want to type her name; she disgusts me. Octomom’s nicknames include Octard and Octopussy, and there are other rude nicknames floating around out there. I don’t think there’s a word strong enough in the English language to fully reflect the negative backlash in this situation.

I don’t think there’s a single person out there dealing with infertility and loss whose nerves aren’t humming with indignation and rage. I certainly don’t have the money for one, let alone how many she’s had (allegedly financed through a workplace injury settlement, but since she’s incapable of keeping her stories straight, who knows), so between her and her unethical doctor I know I want to fire them both out to outer space.

 

There is only one party I feel truly sorry for, and that party is those poor children, every single one. Not only are the older ones’ formative years completely screwed up, the octuplets will always be a curiosity and the recipient of all sorts of opinions, good and bad. I hope CPS gets involved, pronto.

~~

So a new week is here. Tomorrow is a half-day, a compromise with the boss. I’m going to go for a nice long walk and enjoy this wonderful weather. The system is finally moving in from California and the temps have dropped to levels appropriate for February. We’re supposed to get rain and up north they’re supposed to get more snow. It’s looking like it will be a great week!

Adoption Questionnaire + Commentary

Cruising through various blogs and sites about adoption, I ran across this questionnaire. I think some of the questions are a little off the wall–probably because they’re just badly written–but I played with it and am answering it here with some commentary.

Why do you want to adopt?

Because there was never a time when children weren’t a part of the dream, because I have always wanted children, to be a mother, because I never dreamed I would be unable to have my own.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest, how badly do you want to adopt?

Between a 9 and 10, without being kooky or obsessive about it.

Who is the driver of wanting this adoption? Will this cause conflict?

1. • Me (definitely)
   • Me (a little bit more than my spouse)
   • My spouse/partner (definitely)
   • My spouse/partner (a little bit more)
   • Both want to adopt about the same

Will this driver/driven dynamic cause conflict in your relationship?

It shouldn’t. Actually, DH was the one who brought it up first, but his timing stunk: he was suggesting it too soon after the ectopic, and I was still too raw and unhealed and terrified. It took me quite a long time to come back from the dark side of that particular moon, and now we’re in tandem on the topic.

What age child would you prefer to adopt?

1.  
   • Newborn (under six months)
   • Infant (newborn to 2)
   • Preschooler (3 to 5)
   • Primary school (6 to 10)
   • Middle school (11 to 14)
   • High school (15 to 18)

How firm are you on the age selected above?

DH leans toward an older child, I lean towards the younger. Both of us agree that age four would be tops for the first child, so that we get a year to prepare the child for school.

Which of the following disabilities would you be willing to consider in an adoptive child? (Select all that you would consider)

• Drug exposed (occasional)
• Deafness
• Mild or medically correctable condition
• No drugs or alcohol considered
• Non-correctable (cerebral palsy, retardation etc.)
• Alcohol exposed (occasional)
• Alcohol exposed (frequent)
• Smoking exposed
• Emotional/mental disorders in family
• Emotional/mental disorders in child
• Premature birth
• Multiple birth
• Club foot
• Cleft pallet or lip
• Downs Syndrome
• Epilepsy in child
• Epilepsy in family
• Blindness
• Diabetes in child
• Diabetes in family
• Conceived through rape
• Conceived through incest
• Nothing known about father
• Nothing known about mother
• Sibling group

(I can only answer for myself at this moment… I need to send this to DH for consideration and discussion)

Which of the following racial heritages would you be willing to consider in an adoptive child? (Select all that apply)

• Any Child
  
• Arab/Middle Eastern
  
• Asian
  
• African American
  
• Caucasian
  
• Caucasian/Asian
  
• Caucasian/African American
  
• European
  
• Caucasian/Hispanic
  
• Caucasian/Native American
  
• Eastern European/Slavic/Russian
  
• Hispanic or South/Central American
  
• Mediterranean
  
• Middle Eastern
  
• Multi-Racial
  
• Native American (American Indian)
  
• Pacific Islander

This is one of those icky questions that no matter how you answer it, you’re labeled a racist by some people. To me, the two answers covers the gamut. Another one where God will lead us.

Which gender would you prefer in your child?

• Girl
• Boy
• Either

DH was set on a boy back at the beginning; he’s probably changed his mind by now. I couldn’t care less what gender.

Would you consider twins?

• Yes
• No

Do you feel you are stable in your relationship as a couple without having children?

Yes, absolutely.

Which friends and family members would you want to tell about your adoption plans? Which would be supportive and which would not?

I’ve already discussed this with my dad, who was initially sad and resistant (he supported medical intervention), but came around. I have also told a couple of close friends. I have not told my siblings. DH has mentioned it offhandedly to his folks, but I don’t believe that they have actually discussed it. I don’t think he’s told any friends, but I’m not sure of it–it’s not really a guy thing to discuss.

What level of openness are you willing to consider with birthparents?

• Completely open adoption
• Open adoption with reasonable boundaries
• Exchanging letters and photos only
• Completely confidential adoption

Yes, I am that insecure. Full stop.

 Would you be willing to comply with specific birth family requests regarding child rearing (such as religious instruction, name or schooling)?

• Yes
• No

 Where would you be willing to go to adopt? (Select all that apply)

• Only in our state
• Neighboring states
• Anywhere in US
• International

Both DH and I agree that we’re going domestic. See my other posts for rationale.

How much time will you take off work during and after the adoption?

I would say it depends on the situation. Because he has an upper-level management job, he’ll be able to take off some time, but not a lot. Personally, I’ll take off what I have to. See the related question further down.

How much money would you be willing to spend on an adoption?

I will tell you what I won’t do: destroy our finances. DH and I are being pretty smart about it, and have already started a little fund for it.

How much economic hardship would that cause?

Hopefully minimal; see previous question.

When and how do you feel children should be told they’re adopted?

• As early as possible / preschool
• Mid- to late-childhood
• As adults
• Only when they ask
• Only when they find out
• Never
• Not sure

I’m not going to make a big deal about telling the child; I am reading about adoptive parents being nutty about this issue. It’s something that will not be hidden, but neither will I tell the kid before it can talk. The time will present itself. I’m not worried about it.

Would you support/assist your child if he/she wanted to find, contact or have a relationship with his/her birthparents?

• Yes
• No
• Don’t know

I’m comfortable with that; the child(ren) will have my blessing. There are adoptive parents threatened by the thought of the adult child looking up their birthparents; while it’s scary, I’m not threatened by it. As far as I’m concerned, an adopted child has a right to try, and if the parents are receptive to a relationship, then the child’s life (and probably ours) will be all the richer.  If the birthparents don’t want the contact, then the child has at least tried, and has a partial answer, at least.

Many adoptive parents have ‘dry runs’ before they actually adopt. How would you handle an adoption that matched with you but did not end up placing?

It’s hard to project something I’ve never gone through before. Heartbreak, anger, frustration and so on would give way to acceptance and the hope that the next match is the one.

 Will you or your spouse change your workload outside the home after the adoption?

1.  
   • Yes, I will stay at home with the child
   • Yes, my spouse will stay at home with the child
   • I will reduce my work load to part time
   • My spouse will reduce his/her work load to part time
   • Will remain the same
   • Already stay-at-home

Ah, here’s the second part to that question above. This is up in the air.  Depending on the circumstances, I’ll either reduce my work hours or stay home for an extended period of time.

What do you feel you could contribute to a child?

What does one say that doesn’t sound trite or old? A stable, loving home; parents who are still crazy about each other after ten years together; adoring grandparents; extended family on both sides; a happy circle of friends. Parents who believe in a great education, believe in freedom for the to be anything he or she wants (we have everything from artists to lawyers to contractors to military to firefighters and so on from both sides), and believe that a child needs a solid foundation in their home life for success. DH and I want nothing less than the best we can offer a child.

What aspects of childrearing are so important to you that you would find it difficult to compromise (such as discipline, religion, schooling, stay-at-home parenting, etc.)?

This is one of the weird questions that I feel is not well-worded. Taking the question in the spirit I think it’s intended, let me just say that DH and I are very much on the same page. We agree on religion, discipline, education, manners, etc. I don’t know that there’s much to compromise on.

Are you ready to love an adopted child as much as one you gave birth to biologically?

• Yes
  
• No
  
• I think so
  
• I don’t know

To me, this is a DERRRRRRRRRRRRRR question. If someone is starting the adoption process, then at some point they have presumably asked this question of themselves. For me, it’s a no-brainer.

Would you prefer to continue with infertility treatment before seriously pursuing adoption? If so, why?

This is an irrelevant question in our case. I made the decision to not pursue treatment. It’s not just the money; it’s also the emotional and physical hardship that has no guarantees. God knows there are enough children who need homes.

Deep down do you feel like you are being forced to adopt if you want to have children, adoption as a means to build a family is “second best,” or that adoption is your “last resort” if you want to be able to have children?
(If you answered yes to any of these points, there is a very good chance that you have some significant unresolved issues relating to infertility that you might find beneficial to address and resolve prior to adopting.)

Wow, what a loaded and rude question. Necessary, I suppose.

The answer is no… hell no.

What is the ideal adoption situation for you?

Another loaded question, though I don’t think that there’s a wrong answer. “Ideal” would be hopefully decently prepared with minimal SNAFUs. It can be a stressful thing, with lots of potential for stress and I’m aware of that.

Ideally, how many children would you like?

Two minimum, three at the most. Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.

How long are you willing to wait to adopt?

1. • Up to six months
     
   • Six months to 1 year
     
   • 1 year to 2 years
     
   • 2 to 3 years
     
   • However long it takes

 To me, this is another bad question. One’s going to put a timeline on a forever thing? Let’s just say I have put it in God’s hands. One has to recertify every few years anyway. We’ll be sending in the application to the agency after this holiday and go from there.

~~

I’ve been looking for DH’s birth certificate for months now, and I hate it when things I can’t find turn out to be in front of my face. It was in a blue envelope in the steel box. I knew it was around, because we needed it for the marriage license six and a half years ago, and he got his passport not that long ago, so it was here. Good. Cross that off the list.

I’m nervous and excited.

~~

I wish every one of my lurkers (I know you’re out there, the counter tells me so) a happy, healthy and joyous 2009.

Okay, I’m Back from Cloud Nine…

On Tuesday morning at about nine thirty, the phone at work rings. “Good morning, law office.”

“Hi babe.”

“Hey baby, how are you?”

“The eagle has landed.” Cryptic talk like this means that walls have ears.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. They want me to start on the twenty-ninth.”

Excitement was building. He was deadly calm, but being married to him, I know suppressed excitement when I hear it. “Oh, that’s wonderful. How much?”

He told me how much.

“WHAT?!” I screeched in surprise.

“Yeah.”

I think my eyes were blown right out of their sockets. I know that I spent the rest of the day trying to locate them and place them back into their orbits. Without advertising numbers, let’s just say that a) we’re hardly starving, but he was initially underpaid for his position where he is now, and hasn’t had a raise in two years because nobody there has any idea how to run a business and the business probably won’t exist by this time next year; and b) he not only jumps substantially to six figues in this new job, but also he has the potential of doubling our current income.

O. M. F. G.!!!

After about two minutes of fractured sentences punctated with “WOW,” and oblique references to benefits, my sweet husband says, “and now we can go forward with the adoption stuff because we can afford it now.” I melted.

After the phone call ended, I screeched with glee and clapped my hands. Then I sat in my chair, stunned, for about five minutes. After that, I maniacally stalked the office for about two minutes (good thing Boss was at court and I was alone). Finally, I had to share the great, wonderful, miraculous news; I called my friend in Indiana because he had kept me sane throughout this stressful period. Called his work, it went to voice mail; called his cell, went to voice mail, and I left a message. Then I emailed him. He finally popped up on Facebook’s chat and typed, “?” He was wonderful and I thanked him three different times for being there through the crisis.

I went to lunch, but I didn’t know initially where I was going. Didn’t matter; I was thanking God aloud repeatedly, tears streaming down my cheeks, as I tried to drive. The relief is that profound. Talk about depths to the heights!

I wound up at Sonora Brewery, the first person there. I entered, stopped, stared, and I said to Cindy and Liz, “A miracle has happened.” Then I did something I never have done before: I had a lovely hefeweisen with my lunch in celebration. I texted the husband and said I was having a beer with lunch; he texted back, “a day to celebrate indeed!” We went to Chinese for dinner in celebration.

Oh, praise God. Thank God! It’s only this evening, Thursday, that I have come down from the high enough to type a thing. Granted, the next six weeks or so we’ll still have to mind the pennies, but God, it’ll be so nice to not have to freak out at the end of every pay period.

~~

Naturally, the first thing we discussed once the first excitement wore off was the agreement that our spending habits can’t change. Let’s get the car paid off, then my student loan paid down, and we can go from there. Of course, we can pick up where we left off on the adoption application.

The relief for both of us is huge, financially and stress-wise, we can relax. We can enjoy the hell out of Vail, and not have to watch every single penny spent. We can enjoy and know we can pay the Visa down by the end of January when the statement comes.

I love it. The feeling is wonderful. It’s a miracle indeed.

Contradictions

I’ve written previously about Julie and Tertia and their rocky roads to parenthood. They are not the only ones I’ll be speaking of here today, but they’re the two blogs I have read for nearly five years and have followed their roads.

~~

Tertia was shocked to discover not too long ago that she had spontaneously conceived. With an understandable reticence due to her history, she’s not been terribly excited about this new development. She was rather vocal before this discovery about not really wanting another child, yet she didn’t have her tubes tied, or didn’t use birth control of any kind.

I’ve been depressed by her recent posts. It’s hard for me to take; I would kill to be in her spot, fears and all. I understand the fear, I understand the reluctance to be happy about it; but to be so blithe and sanctimonious about her pending decision really breaks my heart.

She goes along and polls everyone about what they would do if the amnio and CVS results were not good, and then adds at the tail end of her most recent post, “I ask that although you might not agree with the decisions I am taking regarding the CVS and the consequences thereof, you respect that it is my decision to make, and that I am making a choice that is right for ME and for MY family. Thanks.” Well, hell–don’t ask people for their opinions in the first place in this situation if you’re going to be upset about it. That postscript really irritated me, and I’m not sure entirely why.

I have commented on her site before, but I know that I would incite a riot if I were to post my feelings there on this latest development–so I’ll opine here. Generally, I’m not in favor of abortion, but I am not a rabid anti-abortion crazy who would be so rude as to call her a murderer or anything evil; people have their reasons, right? Who am I to judge? It’s just in the general realm that I would not advocate it.

Outside the completely understandable and all-consuming fears she has, honestly, the vibe I get is she hasn’t really wanted this child from day one. Back in June, she posted about her ambivalence of having more children, and at that point, after polling her readers and discussing it over the course of several posts, she essentially said, “Nah.”

The thing is, if it’s such an inconvenience, if it’s such a terrible drain emotionally, she should have actively prevented it, or at the very latest, she should have aborted several weeks ago rather than waiting to find an excuse her conscience can deal with (she doesn’t feel she could handle a child with special needs). And waiting for twelve weeks, or whatever point she’s at atm, after several ultrasounds and check-ups and perhaps subconsciously hoping something is wrong, is really kind of screwed up. It’s very contradictory when she’s glad that she sees fingers and toes.

It sounds crude, rude, insensitive and deplorable, but that’s my take on it. I alternately hope that not a thing is wrong and that she has a lovely child in this new year, yet I have this awful presentiment that there will be problems given her history (she’s had previous trisomy problems) and her age, and I wonder what I would do in her shoes.

I’m just as contradictory. And I know it.

~~

Yet this phenomenon is a curious dichotomy I’ve seen across the infertile blog world. These women spend insane amounts of money and time and emotions (and sometimes much more) to try to conceive a child, proving that creating life and having children do mean so very much to them, then many turn around and blithely advocate abortion for any and all reasons. An example is Julie being unabashedly pro-abortion even after her soul-crushing pursuit of parenthood, her children the result of medical intervention; so it’s obvious to me that she’s very much aware of how precious and hard-fought the lives of her children are. And I’ve seen others post the very same contradictory positions.

I know a lot of it has to deal with the “leave my body alone” attitude and movement, that a woman should personally choose and not be told by a doctor/clinic/medical field/friends/S.O./society/government what to do in their situation. I agree with this, completely. It doesn’t make the tendency I’ve noticed any less contradictory.

Just something to think about.

Shhhh… be vewy vewy quiet

I spoke too soon in the last post (the recruiter wound up dicking him around a lot, and he finally said ‘forget it’ when she didn’t give him the damn job description or the contract outline). There are other things in the mix, so until something happens, I’m not saying anything. Silly and superstitious, I know, but that’s just the way I am. I don’t like talking about the possibility of rain when there are threatening clouds in the sky, because I don’t want to jinx it. Yeah, I’m weird.

~~

I had my annual physical the week before last. Despite being obese (honestly), my BP is ridiculously good, my bloodwork is fine, my tits and lymph nodes have no lumps and my pap came back normal. The only irregularity was when Dr P was palpating the ovaries and uterus and noted that my left ovary seemed inflamed, so he sent me to have an ultrasound.

I got worked up–the last time I’d had one done was when I had the ectopic, and it took everything I had to not scream  NOT AGAIN… no, it wasn’t an ectopic, thank God. It seems that I have bilateral ovarian cysts. They have made a wreck out of my left fallopian tube, making it look like my uterus has a left ear.

The nurse’s call to tell me what their assessment was actually made me feel lighter. I have, at least, a partial answer as to why I can’t get pregnant. And the results of the ultrasound only affirms my (our) decision to adopt.

~~

Hollywood’s at it again: the liberals there are making that cry once again that if the Republican wins, they’ll leave the country. It’s a broken record. Shut up already! Nobody cares, you crybabies.

~~

I do not like the talk (already) of riots if Obama loses, not at all. I resented it when that leverage was used for OJ (and he was acquitted!), and I resent it now. I also don’t like the implication that if you do not vote for Obama, you’re racist. Talk about racial tension.

No, racial relations have not gotten better with time after the decades, mostly due to fearmongering and ignorance. Isn’t it a shame?

~~

I was upstairs yesterday and DH had the TV on some channel. I could hear through the walls a female voice like a stentor, and I could hear it loud and clear through the floor and walls. It was driving me nuts! I came downstairs and made him turn the volume down.

It was Sarah Palin making a speech.

~~

Love her or hate her, one has to give Palin kudos for one thing: she has borne the worst of insults and mudslinging with grace. She’s been personally targeted, her children insulted, etc., and she’s kept the (relative) high ground. Have to give her credit for having guts… but I’ll bet there are many tears behind closed doors.

~~

For those worrying that McCain is too old: the presidential campaign trail is one of the most grueling things imaginable. He seems to be weathering it just fine. Drop it already.

~~

Once more, I’ll implore people to not vote because of race, religion, gender or anything emotional. Vote smart tomorrow, everyone.

Peace out.

Salted Slug, That’s Me

My response to stress is not like others’ response: many people become manic. They go nuts, can’t sit still, work out more, walk more, talk more, etc.

I become a salted slug.

I get depressed. I stop all activity. I stop hiking, walking, working out. I sit on the compy or read interminably to get my brain off of the topic. I ignore my body. I mindlessly eat a shitload of cheddar Goldfish. This time around, I’m back on Warcraft, which actually still bores the hell out of me, but I’m back in touch with old pals, which makes the boredom tolerable (my saving grace is that I’m not getting the expansion pack). I ignore my homework until the day before it’s due, instead of the good habit of doing my homework on a quiet Sunday.

With any luck, all of that is going to change. Last night, I was typing back and forth with a pal on WoW when DH calls out, “Baby!”

The tone broke me out of my trance. “Yeah?”

“Come here!”

The one night that he leaves his cell in the car is the one day there’s an important message on it. The one company he was hoping to go to had their recruiter contact DH and say, “They want to hire you ASAP.” The problem was that it was already nine, so it has to wait until today.

So last night, and this morning before I left the house, we’re cautiously happy. It depends on the offer they make. Dan’s condition is that it’s contract to hire–and the guy who interviewed him was having difficulties getting his boss to give him the green light. The downside to the contract deal is that we’ll have to do COBRA for three months–not cheap–but you just cannot be without health insurance these days.

So things are looking up.

~

The preliminary offer means that once an appropriate offer is made, we can go forward with the adoption process. For obvious reasons (see previous posts), it was on hold. Assuming it’s an appropriate offer, we’ll sit down, complete it, and send it in to the agency. Then we’ll have to wait anyway for the application and the fingerprints to crawl through their process.

Cross your fingers, please.

~~

Yesterday, the media was all panicky over the ’skinhead plot’ on Obama’s and 102 other people’s lives. Funny, by this morning, it’s been diffused to a couple of idiotic wanna-bes spouting off with racist bullshit.

Nice little piece of fearmongering.

~~

I can’t wait until November 5. Since I truly believe that neither candidate is appropriate for the highest office, it won’t be with a sense of relief in that regard. Rather, it will be a release from all of the ridiculous media bullcrap.

I am wary of Barack Obama because after all of this time, nobody still really knows who he is; he’s been cleansed of any real past (his flighty mother has been elevated to sainthood and his absentee father is not spoken of at all). I’m not an ignorant fool–I know he’s no Arab or Muslim, or any of that ridiculous rumor mill bullshit–but really, who is this first-term senator from Illinois? Why are people so hysterical over him? That kind of mindless hysteria bothers me, and I don’t care who is the object of the hysteria. Old biddys who are vehemently anti- many liberal stances are voting for him, but can’t explain why to save their souls. It’s a weird phenomenon. And where in the hell did he come from that he has this insane rise?  Nobody heard of him until about a year and a half ago.  

I’m no fan of John McCain, either; he represents my congressional district, and as far as senators go, he’s been relatively steady and all of that; certainly he’s no Ted Stevens. For me, the only thing going for him is that he is a known quantity compared to Mr. Obama.  I’m not worried about his age–look at his ass-kicking mother–but I do wonder about his legendary rages, his irrationality, his vindictiveness. I do not believe he’s Bush, Continued–people who are saying that could never then vote for many people, as for the majority of the time, a candidate of a particular party will vote for the party line the vast majority of the time. Duh. But McCain has many weaknesses that makes him equally undesirable as a potential president.

DH has wished often that we were voting for the Veep candidates–both of them are more desirable than their running mates. You want change? Let’s aim for Sarah Palin: she’s a charmer and a half, smart, witty, and has actually held her own in the ghastly mud-slinging from the media and everyone else. Talk about a woman with guts! Have you noticed that every single thing they try to pin on her has pretty much slid off, much like egg off teflon? Not that I’m naive enough to think that she’s faultless–not like my boss, who has been useless since her nomination, praising her to the skies every chance she can–but then none of the four represent the lily of a blameless life.

Eh, that’s just dreaming. Don’t fool yourselves, folks: we’re screwed either way this election cycle.

~~

The paint is done and the tile is in. It’s beautiful. I like the fact that I can Swiffer the place. I’ll post on that later–it’s phenomenal.

~~

I don’t care what is written about me as long as it isn’t true.  –Katharine Hepburn

This and That

Funny thing I saw on the way to work this morning: a lady running with her dog, probably a Great Dane, and I glance down at the dog’s feet. The dog had teeny little ankle weights on. I laughed.

~~

This media-fueled panic re the banks and market was predicted nine or ten years ago. They lowered the credit standards for mortgages, and now, despite being warned by experts, they are freaking out. They made loans to people who should never have been buying a house in the first place, so why should the majority of mortgage holders, who made savvy decisions in their purchase, who make their payments on time and manage their finances, pay for these idiots? And the “idiots” include the banks that made risky loans. You don’t need a degree in finance to figure this whole thing out.

If they insist on a bailout, it should be given with many, many restrictions, conditions, and oversight committees. Neither the lenders nor the people who made poor financial decisions should be given carte blanche, especially with the already overburdened taxpayers being asked to foot the bill.

That’s just my take on it.

~~

DH flipped out a little bit in the adoption process. Mostly on the financial aspect, but I also wasn’t clear on timelines, either. He was under the impression that everything had to be done before the end of the year… no, so sorry. My bad. I also think that the abstract conversations now being concrete blew his mind a little. But despite the lashing out last week, I know we’re going to be okay: we were looking at the MLS for houses in the GSO area and he was looking at the schools.

It’ll take time, but we’ll be okay.

~~

He’s also got this hangup that we won’t be able to name the child what we want. Babe, hello? If our names are going to be on the birth certificate when the adoption is finalized, you’re darn tootin’ that we can pick the name. Naturally, if we adopt an older child, it’ll have to be a gradual rebadging, but the fact that the kid has a name from his/her birthmother does not preclude us from selecting a name for our new child. Silly hubby.

I have news for you: the Mc/Mac, -aiden, apostrophe catastrophes, and mangled spellings phenomena for children’s names are never going to be allowed in our house. That is one thing that he and I are in absolute agreement on, no atrocious names. I might tease that potential names are Edith and Otis, or Macmadysinlynne and Mavryk, but no “tryndee” or otherwise crappy names will be allowed to cross our threshold.

I have to say that for the most part, the children of family, friends and acquaintances are pretty solid. A sampling includes Juliana, Andrew, Joseph, Catherine, Blair (boy, a family name), Matthew, Daniel, Caitlyn (at least it’s not terribly mangled), a couple of Sarahs, Emily, and Joshua. The only one that is kinda out there on the top of my head is Maile (MY-lay), but it is a Hawaiian name and part of her heritage (I don’t think her mother thought out the terrible tease factor she’s going to get in high school, though).

Over the years, DH and I have toyed with Anthony, James, Robert, Anne, Lauren, and Elisabeth; the other day we discussed the merits of Christopher. Neither of us like the overly Old Testament sounding, such as Benjamin or Nathaniel, and neither of us likes the current naming trends and popular crap. The trend is towards the classic names. However, serious consideration of any name is slated for a later date, once the hurdle of certification has been cleared.

~~

I had a long talk with my dad last week. We had a heart to heart, and I know he’s grieving for my lost dream of having my own baby. I basically told him that testing could go on forever, then the reproductive medicine part can drain our accounts and any funds he offers, and I just won’t ruin all of us financially. I told him with the utmost sincerity that it has been the hardest decision in my life. He finally aquiesced, and now he’s supportive.

Next part: DH comfy enough so that we can have an open discussion with his parents about it.

~~

I hate it when a preliminary estimate is nowhere close to the actual. I’m not going to get into it, but I’ll just say that we have to settle for Phase I: Tile. Tile will be installed in the living area, kitchen and downstairs bathroom. I’ll still have fuschia carpet everywhere else in the house for now. Ugh.

~~

I’m only six weeks into the semester and I’m beat to hell. The only thing keeping me going is that every week is closer to the end.

What A Day Already

It’s 9:15 and I’m still steaming from when I came in the office door 45 minutes ago. I walked in this morning to find my desk completely rearranged. You want insta-ballistic? Rearrange my desk after I’ve been gone. And I was only gone one day. ONE DAY.

I’m at school on Wednesdays. Boss, I think, has File Clerk sitting at my desk when I’m not here. File Clerk drives me insane anyway; she made me lose my temper for the first time in forever last week. I don’t know if Boss got in a snit, or she got strangely anal, but the files on my desk were moved to the cubbyhole in the shelves behind my desk, papers were put in places I’d never look, certain mail date-stamped that shouuld never have been stamped, and all my required clutter (stapler, tape, etc) were nowhere near where I left them on Tuesday afternoon when I went to night school. For the first time in two weeks, File Clerk didn’t leave the stamp pad out, but the rearrangement really pissed me off.

(found out it was Boss that did it. DON’T DO THAT!!! I don’t do it to your desk!)

So that’s how my day started.

~~

There’s only one good thing that came out of my Warcraft account being hacked a week and a half ago: I’m back in touch with some old pals. One who slipped through the cracks is “Carl,” who about fainted when he saw me online earlier this week. “Where have you been?”

I haven’t played for fourteen months until last week. I’m already bored again. When Blizzard completes their “investigation” (ha, ha), then it’s uninstall and suspend time again. It’s a nice place to send your brain, but I really don’t have time for this these days.

But getting back in touch with Carl has been a godsend: his eldest was adopted, and he was excited when I told him that DH and I are looking into adoption.

We had a very nice conversation last night–not only did he tell me of his travails with his soon to be ex, but he gave me all sorts of practical advice when it comes to the initial phase of adoption; I forwarded his email to DH. While he stirred up some concerns, he belayed concerns in other areas, so that I’m going into tonight’s appointment in a much more informed frame of mind than previously. I feel better armed for the discussion.

Growly and pissy, that’s me today: from my little world being rearranged, to being worked up about tonight and working through DH’s reactionary stonewalling about adoption. I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t want to, but the practical turn of his mind dwells on the financial. Like I told Carl last night, there are people who have done more with less than what we have, so I’m not as wrapped up in the things he is.

 

Send good thoughts and prayers our way.